My Parents

When I look at what has been going on in humanity for the last 100 years I see a concerted effort to unravel it's best path. Yet, in some of us the vision is so strong, so vibrant, that I know in my heart of hearts, we will get there.

-me

I was fortunate. My parents, on purpose - because I had this conversation with my mother - never structured my belief system. Throughout my life I was aware how valuable this was, when several times I decided not to get that all valued piece of paper that said I had gone through the process to have my brain washed ironed and restructured by the highest institution in the land - Academia. Later on in life I realized that because my mother refused to have my brain put in a niche and protected me from that, I was aware that 'structured' programs of accepted knowledge were dangerous to my spiritual/mental health. I suppose it set me up to see through gobledeegoop everywhere it existed. For that I am very thankful.

For them, it was not a party. Because of this freedom of thought I caught every lie, every intent that was not true, and it took me forever to learn to control the distain I felt for it, and the strong urge to counter it with verbal truth everywhere I met it. I spent a LOT of time in 'time-out'. Both in school and at home. I could fluster an adult in under thirty seconds, and wind up spending time having to 'think-about-it'. The moral of that story was learning kindness. Walking a mile in another's shoes, pretending to be them, and feeling their reaction to my callus announcement of the 'truth'. My mother was a saint, and I really needed to learn deep empathy. Which I did.

The other problem was that I was aware of things - things you could not see, only feel, that you knew were there and they made my skin crawl. I did not have to be in a state of sleep paralysis to feel them either. And not always at night. I could immediately know the 'feel' of anywhere I went. Some places I loved, others scared the bejeezas out of me. Sometimes it wasn't the place, either. Sometimes 'stuff' found you. My mother used to tell me that it was all in my imagination. If I didn't see it, and she didn't see it, it wasn't real. No accounting for what you just knew - that was screaming at you to pay attention. To this day - I don't 'see' things like a lot of other sensitives do, except in my mind's eye. If I didn't see it, it wasn't real right?

But then, how do you account for the endless nights of terror spent knowing that something was there and that you were not allowed to have lights on in your room, and you couldn't see it, but that it was there! You could feel it in the electricity moving up and down your spine. All the hairs on the back of your neck were standing up. Your heart was beating at ninety miles an hour, until just before it was going to explode you into a million pieces you ran screaming out of the room. As you got older, you learned tricks, like the endless drinks of water and such, the thousand questions game… Until it always ended with a spanking or a punishment. And because that 'presence' felt adult, and because of all your training, without thinking about it, you never considered telling it to go away, because it was an authority.

This kind of bullshit went on in my life until I was 18, and started the practice of yoga, to help heal my ulcer. It went on until I learned to drench my body and myself in white light, and until some lovely soul somewhere whispered in my heart that I had the right to tell whatever it was to "Be Gone!!"

I have never looked at this terror squarely in the eyes - encountered the rest of the truth in it, and because of that it still is resident in my energy body. I have wards - protective sigils throughout my energy that say "private property - stay out!" They have worked well and only gotten stronger as I have aged. However, now when I would like to engage with ET and ED, I have not been able to dis-engage the protection enough to allow that to happen. Higher beings will always know the truth of your real wishes and intents and respect it. I do communicate with a lot of somethings, but it is always on a mental level, 6th chakra kind of thing. I suppose I really don't want to change it, or I already would have. There are still times when I feel very grateful for this - and others when I don't.

It occurred to me while listening to Manu Intiraymi last night that he and I had similar parental upbringings, our parents - both on purpose, allowing us to find our or truths without cramming our heads full of junk. I was amazed listening to him talk about his experiences as a child with the dark something that was there in his room - just like me, and how his parents basically had the same parental response to it also. My heart went out to him. He is younger than my son. I tried hard to be there for my son because of what I went through. - There was the ghost spray and other parenting techniques that I employed to never leave his side while he sorted out his sense of the world. Today he lives in two worlds, has the heart of a lion and the soul of an advanced healer. In his day job he 'heals' cars. In his side by side other part of himself, he's a gentle, wickedly funny, astute new type human being. So is Manu. I was really impressed. These are the in between humans, the ones who will be raising their children to create a better world, that better humanity we all hold in our souls, our vision for the future.